I received a call from an unknown number. It was a young gal at Peninsula High calling around 8pm.
She said, “Hi, This is Aidynn Oschman, and I am Ryan’s buddy for the Freshmen Link Crew. Freshmen Orientation is Wednesday from 9-12 and Ryan will be in my small group.”
My son, Luke, and Aidynn were friends in middle school and I thought may still be friends. I knew she was probably familiar with us. I said to her nervously, “You know our family, right? You know our story with Ryan?” She said, “Yes.”
I shared (or over-shared) with her, “Well, because I couldn’t send Ryan alone to Orientation, I was not planning on sending him. He cannot go alone. He would be lost.” (How did I hold it together as I said those words to her?)
Aidynn was so sweet and suggested he skip the busy, loud, first part in the Main Gym with all the Freshmen, and just meet her outside at 9:40 am. She would take Ryan from there. For the campus tour and small group time . And then she could meet me again outside of the gym at 11am for me to pick him up.
I was so touched by her kindness. Genuine kindness. Bowled over.
Who does that? What cute teenage girl does that? Did she think about it before she called? Did she talk to her parents or the advisor to the Link Crew, Mrs. Dibble?
“A SINGLE ACT OF KINDNESS THROWS OUT ROOTS IN ALL DIRECTIONS, AND THE ROOTS SPRING UP AND MAKE NEW TREES. THE GREATEST WORK THAT KINDNESS DOES TO OTHERS IS THAT IT MAKES THEM KIND THEMSLEVES.” –AMELIA EARHART
I said, “Ok, let me think about this for a few minutes. I will talk to Ryan. I know he would love to go but I did not even talk to him about it before this because he cannot go alone. Nor does he want his mom tagging along. Hold tight, I will call you back.”
As soon as I hung up, the tears RAGED out of my eyes.
I was sobbing so fast in the bathroom alone.
A deep primal grief. That does not often get released.
This call came while my daughter, Kate, and I were in the middle of watching The Greatest Showman together. So I could not stay in the blubbery crying mess that I was.
And at the same time, the grief begged to come out. Needed to. It was such an involuntary response. I almost could not stop it.
I went to Luke’s room. He had just gotten home from his shift at In-n-Out Burgers.
He saw me crying and said immediately, “What’s wrong, Mom?”
I told him about the phone call with Aidynn. Her kind offer. It all poured out to him how I was so sad for Ryan. That he doesn’t get to have a normal high school experience. That he doesn’t have any friends to go to Freshmen Orientation with. The thought of dropping him off, alone, on that campus, just killed my mother’s heart. That it’s so sad, because he is so excited and wide-eyed about being a high schooler, and yet he has NO REAL FRIENDS. He doesn’t get to experience what Luke has experienced and what Kate will someday.
I don’t think Luke has ever seen me cry quite like that. Unstoppable tears, almost out of breath and unable to speak.
The loss buttons were heavily pushed. Again.
Luke got glassy-eyed, and we hugged tight. He told me he wrote his college essay on Ryan. (I was not surprised.) And then he said the most beautiful line from it:
“My humility was born the same day as Ryan,” or something like that. A statement I’d like to explore later with Luke. More tears.
Out of nowhere, the grief comes. One minute I am oogling over Zac Efron and Hugh Jackman, and next I am sobbing uncontrollably to myself in the bathroom.
On-again. Off-again. Grief is so cyclical. I call it “THE WAVE.”
It’s the life of a Special Needs Mom.
I called Aidynn back to tell her we accepted her offer. That Ryan would be ready and so excited for the Orientation and tour.
Did she know that this would be the HIGHLIGHT of Ryan’s week?? Her parents must be so proud of her. The Peninsula High School Link Crew is lucky to have her.
AND…so is our world.
(Note: Permission was given by Aidynn, her parents, and my son, Luke, for publishing this piece.)
Thanks for sharing your experience and your emotions with us all, Jessica. You are a light to the world, you know…
And how kind of Aidynn! Kindness like that moves me beyond words–drops me to my knees sometimes.
Blessings to Ryan on this new adventure.
xoxo,
Stacy
Touching piece in so many ways. I’m crying too as I read it! 💕
Wow, you’ve captured this so well. My son starts high school next week. From my heart to yours.
Love this….. I am a little extra proud that I had Aidynn and Luke in my class in 6th grade 🙂 I knew they’d both be shining stars!!
So many reactions to this Jess … best of luck to Ryan in his freshman year of high school … but can we discuss what a superstar Luke is? Beyond proud of him. XO
The kindness of others sneaks up on us. Surprises us at the most unexpected but sometimes most needed times. Crying with you my friend.
Wow! Am glassy eyed reading this. Much love to you Jessica and your family. Praying Ryan has a good Freshman year and praise God for “Link”.
THANK YOU Dee!
Beautiful! Thank you, Jessica.
I so appreciate you reading Mary! Xo
I love this so much, Jessica. It encapsulates the whole beautiful/heartbreaking experience.
That means a lot coming from you brilliant writer!
Same thing for us this week. Our daughter Paige just started at Redondo (I’m crying right now again!). For us, Hannah Marie called from Link Crew. She was great. I said, Paige is supposed to have an aide for orientation but I haven’t heard from the school yet so I’ll have to get back to you. Paige has had a full time aide her whole school career, but we were leaving Hermosa SD and into a new district. The school said they’d send one, but I hadn’t heard. I just chose to assume that they’d come through and they did. I let Paige walk into orientation with no aide while I went to find help. The first person I met was her aide – YAY! We coordinated for pick up and I walked off campus with big sunglasses crying my eyes out. I took a risk with a new district and they pulled through. Grateful.
I hope Paige has a GREAT year!
So Beautiful.
Thanks Katie! xo
Hugs all
Around
Miss Jan! (I will forever call you that!) You faithfully read and comment and I so appreciate YOU! We miss you!
I Love this for SO MANY Reasons.
Oh my gosh thank you! Tell me more dear friend! XO
Oh Jessica I just cried blinding tears right along with you. I’m always struck by the many ways that grief pops in when we least expect it, and that there are invisible losses like Ryan being unable to have a typical high school experience that breaks your heart. I rarely think how old Brenna would have been since she’ll always be a baby to me, but she would have been a freshman right along with Ryan. I wish him a wonderful orientation, and that helpers continue to be present throughout his high school experience. As Mr. Rogers said, always look for the helpers.
Knowing now that Breanna would have been alongside Ryan in school years, I will forever think of her, and you. A brilliant writer I know says, “Grief rarely walks in a straight line.” Yes, it pops up. It goes away. Much love to you!!!