Let Them Change US

Ryan likes to talk to himself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

He sounds like a teacher sometimes, talking to students. Or he is talking about sports like he is a commentator.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

When we go on walks, he sometimes walks a few steps behind and has a conversation with himself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

And he is soooooo happy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

This used to bother me. It was odd behavior. He would do it in public, in waiting rooms, or grocery stores or anywhere. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

It was uncomfortable in car rides, for the siblings, in the younger years. OR the older years when friends might be in the car, too.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I used to think we should use ABA or behavior modification techniques to squash and “extinguish” this behavior.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

SHOULD is a bad word sometimes.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I realized though, that Ryan’s talking to himself, is self-soothing with a capital S.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Soothing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Peaceful for him.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Calming.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

So why would I try to change that? Take it away?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Just because it is NOT NORMAL behavior, does not mean we need to get rid of it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

One of the gifts of special needs motherhood is a shift in perspective and priorities. All I really care about is if Ryan is stable, safe and happy. The self-talk is not harming him or others. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

We don’t need to change every behavior that is not a neuro-typical behavior. We can’t always “fix” things.⠀We must make peace with our children and LET THEM JUST BE sometimes.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let them CHANGE US and our hearts.