At this time of year, I pause, and I think of you. The You’s everywhere. And I wonder…is this time, “the happiest time of the year,” really truly joyful for you? Because you are on my heart.
Growing up I didn’t really loooooove the holidays. The holiday time just reminded me once again that I had this crazy-complicated family story.
Lots of half-siblings. Step-siblings.
A family tree that requires lots of extra branches and explanations.
As a child you don’t appreciate the differences and uniqueness of your family. You don’t see them as human people with hearts and stories and backgrounds. When you are a perfectionist child, you want your family to look like the Norman Rockwell painting.
Which we did not.
Not even close.
Then you grow up. You understand more. You heal from disappointments.
You love more, love just because, love without conditions and contingencies.
I didn’t really start loving the holidays till I met Chris and we were married. We created our own ways and traditions. I gladly globbed onto his family’s many traditions. And they lovingly pulled me in and hugged me tight.
I began to embrace my family-of-origin story more. I saw my family and me-with-them in a new light. My heart softer, more open.
I don’t grieve at the holidays like I used to. And honestly, I DO LOVE my family get-togethers. I have a really sweet, fun, lively, caring family. I love hosting them all in my home throughout the year. Or when they take turns hosting in theirs. I appreciate each person as a person, a personality, and a soul with a thousand million things going on inside.
But for SOME of you, the holidays are laden with loneliness, heartache, painful memories, depression or anxiety. You are in tough, fear-laden circumstances, or in relationships that are hurtfully binding. You’ve recently experienced unexpected tragedies or diagnoses. JOY does not seem possible to you right now.
The wanting of something undeliverable in shiny gold wrapping paper and a red bow is very REAL to you. It feels powerfully scarce right now.
So I pause, I pray, for you, whether I know you by name or heart or story. You are thought of. I am sending you love, and hope for healing, for dreaming of new possibilities in 2016, and scars that no longer singe your soul.
Merry Happy Whatever it is you celebrate Dear Ones. xoxo